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| 01:12am 11/12/2005 |
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mood:  grumpy music: Sarah Masen - Give a Little Bit
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hey jellybean.
you're only playing to the crowd now.
ive been coast to coast now.
on both sides of salty deeps.
and i know just what to do with someone like you.
my eyes all washed out.
morning gray.
sunshined california a.m.'s commanding me awake.
shrugged off my worries.
they don't look so great on camera.
take a note- where are the minutes of our last meeting?
this is an unofficial surrender.
but you can't see my white flag through all the cameras flashing.
or the way im only looking at the kiss in the corner of her mouth.
you know cause wendy looks like a homewrecker from tinks perspective.
none of this is making sense cause ive been keeping my i.q. in the medicine chest.
no matter what the light is like there are just some kids who always have that gleam in their eye.
cause they're always holding back. |
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| That dress looks nice on you |
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| 02:44am 10/12/2005 |
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mood:  depressed music: Sufjan Stevens - That dress looks nice on you
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A friend of mine once asked me
"Why do you hurt?"
I said
"Because nobody has ever asked me that before."
I wanted to say
"You're the brightest firefly in my jar."
But instead I thought
"She's just silly, and I'm a liar." |
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| 01:50pm 20/09/2005 |
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mood:  calm music: Damien Rice - Cannonball
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It's been ages.
Wish me a happy birthday.
Wish me luck.
Wish you were here. |
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| 02:50pm 23/02/2005 |
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I miss some things about LA desperately.
I am happy here.
I am honestly.
But don't think I don't miss you. |
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| 02:43pm 04/08/2004 |
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why havent i updated this lately?
i dunno.
www.melodramatic.com/users/wristwatchrazor. |
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| 11:12pm 09/07/2004 |
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mood: sad music: sinatra.
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i feel sick.
in every way one could possibly feel sick.
but it feels better.
than the feeling i get.
when i miss you. |
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| 01:35am 21/06/2004 |
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Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated, I am
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption... |
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| the things he writes are to sad to be true...right? |
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| 01:29pm 18/06/2004 |
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mood:  creative music: camera obscura
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You're the kind of kid that knows just how beautiful you are.
But it's the moments in between that when I look at you and I feel like I can't breathe
did you know your initials are carved into my heart? |
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| 09:34am 18/06/2004 |
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mood:  cold music: i want to go home (reprise)
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i havent updated in a while.
i'm working on a new layout.
and making a new name.
so bear with me for now. |
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| 02:40pm 13/06/2004 |
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mood:  hyper
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GoodEyeXXSniper: i never got my aviation license, but he gave me all the lessons and stuff. and i only almost crashed once.
GoodEyeXXSniper: but then again, i only almost crashed into a mountain. |
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| 06:47am 12/06/2004 |
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mood:  awake music: nothing frequency
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yesterday i went to the cal poly pomona graduation with jaimi.
she called me and was like "so do you wanna come to a graduation?" and so I did.
it was so fun.
I got there, and called jaimi to ask her where she was, and she told me to get on a shuttle to take me to the graduation. But the shuttles had stopped running at 2 (it was 2:15), so I started walking trying to find another one somewhere. But eventually I jsut ended up there anyways. I was like "jeez, it wasn't so long of a walk."
But anyways. I met her family. Her grampa looks like a hitman. He was cool. And her uncle (I think) has a toe for a thumb. That was weird, but really cool.
So we decided that we were gonna walk around the CPP campus until the ceremony started. So we did.
At first I was all like "jgfndsgrjgnfds" and wasn't really talkin, cause that's just me. But then after like a minute I was hyper.
Jaimi had a jones soda. But I've never had one. So she made me drink one. It was pure sugar. So I was really hyper.
So we walked and walked and walked, and argued about rocks for a while. Then we heard the ceremony starting so we had to go back.
It was the most dorky ceremony ever. There were like a million speakers, talking about time travel, and androids, and math and stuff. It didn't really register that we were watching a bunch of rocket scientists graduate.
anyways.
we read through the whole thing, except when they called her cousins name. then we made noise.
and we talked about star trek, cause we're so cool.
theeeeeennnnn...we went and saw cows!!!!!
i told her all about Carmine and it was sad.
Carmine was my baby cow that my grampa turned into baby cow burgers.
anyways.
then she made me walk in the middle of the street! it was scary.
aaaaand what else?
we went to dinner.
i tied her shoes in knots.
and stole parts of her salad.
and i made a poppy straw, but she wouldnt flick it. meanie.
then what happened? well on the drive home, most of it was spent with my face over the passengers seat poking her in the nose and going "tellmestorytellmestorytellmestory".
but she pouted, and i couldnt resist, and i told her a story.
but then i pouted too, and she told me one!
whoo!
i had a really good time.
it was awesome to the max.
i heart my jaimi!!
________________________________________
i wrote a traditional indian style song.
it's kinda neat. |
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| The Annual Capulet family reunion |
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| 07:44am 11/06/2004 |
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mood:  good music: lets make this moment a crime
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She wakes up
in a dismal winter scene
Her eyes cant seem
to come - clean
"What should i wear
and what perfume should i bring
cause tonight
i come to your dreams"
One more time
let me see into your face
see the lines of
misfortune through the grace
She wakes up
to a happy sunlit dream
and sits quiet
and knows that im there
Counting the time
until you're gone
everythings fine
for a moment entwined
Second and minutes roll by
one at a time
see if you keep up
i cant
I cant seem to
find a reason for this
coat of arms
this message of harm
Stuck inside this
tragedy where the
only actors are those
writing the scripts
playing the parts
and youre still playing
with your heart I
need to know why
sometimes when you cry
you aren't thinking about
me
as sad as it sounds, i was in a swell mood when i wrote it. |
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| insider information |
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| 07:16am 11/06/2004 |
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mood: good music: american football - five silent miles
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I've been in a good mood lately.
last night it came crashing down for about twenty minutes.
I don't even know why.
I sat on the countertop in the bathroom, with the shower running as hot as i could make it, tracing initials in the steam on the mirror, and crying.
i think everyone needs a little sadness to live a happy life.
so i don't so much hate it, as wish i knew why it came so suddenly.
it's okay, though.
i'm better now.
i slept a lot.
i've moved my bed against the wall.
there's a picture on the wall that makes me feel better.
so whenever i wake up, i'm positioned for it to be the first thing i see when i open my eyes, and it makes the day start off with a smile.
_________________________________
my dad got a new job.
i'm glad.
because it means he's out of the house more.
it pays well to.
maybe we can get out of this slump.
__________________________________
i need a new pair of pants, and some shoes.
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i bought someone a gift yesterday for no reason.
well, because i love them.
i never buy gifts.
i always hesitate at the last second, and end up not getting it.
but i didn't hesitate at all with this one.
it will sit, wrapped in the top of my closet, with an unopened CD on top of it, until i can hand them both to her. |
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| 06:15pm 10/06/2004 |
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mood:  confused music: essex green - southern states
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everytime i exhale, my mouth tastes like what melting plastic smells like.
i would not want to kiss me right now. |
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| i love this song. |
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| 10:12pm 09/06/2004 |
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My friends could say
that this was fun
while sickly I'm staring out a window
I can see this other than chasing
something that I
always wanted you to know
all of this will have to end someday
the time will come when nobody's leaving
shut your eyes with me
again and again
and think about just what you believe in
I think I understand these thoughts
(I'm thinking everything's a feeling)
Lay in bed all day just to be with you
talk all night while staring at a ceiling
came up with this off of a notion
still can't sleep cause of all the stupid motion
want you with me
so you can see this
say it again and know that I mean it
I won't give up on you
You know that's what I'm sayin'
Tell me you know its true
Thank you for always stayin'
Please say your near
not far from here
When I'm away
Be back one day
My friends still say
that this is fun
and I sit here staring out a window
I can say now
this is worth the call
in the morning
to tell you something you should know
Don't need a break when its all done
Doing something that I always dreamed of
I can say for sure that everything is fine
when your screaming out to up above
I won't give up on you
You know that's what I'm sayin'
Tell me you know its true
Thank you for always stayin'
I won't give up on you
(I won't give up)
Please say you're always stayin' |
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| cause i said so, lovies. |
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| 10:51pm 08/06/2004 |
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mood: content music: duchess - the pin ups
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july 21
fallout boy
armor for sleep
bayside
name taken
troubador.
get jealous. |
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| 10:26am 06/06/2004 |
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i can't stop crying.
i've never been this lonely before.
i can't feel like this anymore.
i'm sorry. |
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thewayshesaysla's journal